I know this post has been long awaited, but it’s just such a long story and things keep happening that should be mentioned. So without further ado, the long, sad, stupid story of Jasper and Andrea. To begin, I met Jasper the first weekend after I came to England. He was friendly to me and I was impressed by his willingness to talk to someone who was clearly new and alone. I also thought he was reasonably good-looking, though extremely young. I later figured out that he was actually dating someone, and we became good friends. Over the course of the next few months, we got to be very close and I would consider him to be my best friend in England. He eventually broke up with his girlfriend, with whom I had been friends, but he and I remained better friends than she and I. We spent most weekends together and had a comfortable and easy friendship. We often times lamented the fact that things would never work out between us because of our ages and my nationality (his previous girlfriend had been American and he had sworn us off.) We showed up together at nearly everything and people began to talk. We thought it was funny and laughed about tricking everyone.
Anyway, then the weekend before I returned to America to do research, we got a group of friends together for dinner and then to watch a movie at my house. The defendant and I ended up next to each other on my housemate’s bed and in jest I said I may just let him hold my hand and he said he might just try to put his arm around me. I thought he was kidding until he actually did put his arm around me and hold my hand. I was completely caught off guard and perhaps didn’t handle it as well as I should have. I let go of his hand after a few minutes because I wasn’t sure what to do. Anyway, I flew back to the States a couple of days later without actually speaking to him again. After things had settled down a bit, we began chatting and emailing and I noticed a change in his behavior. He was much flirtier than he had been before and the tone of his emails and chats was quite blatantly one of interest. He told me that he couldn’t wait for me to come home and that he had marked the day on his calendar. It got to the point where we were chatting every day and were quite open with the things we said. Just to give a clearer picture of the situation, some of his more confusing comments have been recorded here.
“I’m not a fan of you being in America.” (this was written just days after I got to the States, early on in our new ‘friendship.’) A few days later, “I’m just plodding along trying to enjoy life without you.”
Since then and now that I’m back in England we have continued to converse on a fairly daily basis. Sometimes things are said that lead me to believe that he can’t bear to be without me. Other times, though, he’ll say something that makes me think he doesn’t have feelings for me at all. I’ll try to record them as near the truth as I can, but there will surely be some slight inaccuracies.
“I’m invincible. Well, to everyone but you.”
“You’re irresistible.”
“When you get home, we’ll…” (This was said many times and ended with things like, going to the movies, snuggling on his bed, going to dinner, and other date-y things.)
“I’m carnally attracted to you.”
“We would never work together because we’d get in trouble and you’d end up pregnant.”
(Upon the topic of making out.) “It will happen. Before you go back to America. I’ll break up with whoever I’m dating and we’ll go at it.”
“You’re my best friend.”
“I could spend hours with you and still not get tired of you.”
As things got more and more intense, I began to think that he was interested in me and that upon returning to the UK, we would start dating. I was still confused, though, because of comments he would make referring to me going out with other guys and how he would encourage that. So I had determined to talk to him about the situation when I saw him again. Now those of you who know me, even a little bit, know that I am dreadful at talking to guys about how I feel about them. In fact, I think I’ve only ever done it once, and that was because I was moving to England in two days. Anyway, I got back to England and he didn’t contact me until the second day I’d been back. Needless to say, I was hurt. He had told me he was counting down the days until I returned and then didn’t even acknowledge it. Well, then he finally called and we worked out a time to see each other that weekend. I was nervous because I had decided that we needed to have ‘the talk’ and I wasn’t sure how it was going to go.
When he arrived that evening, he was wearing the clothes that he had gotten when we went shopping together once. He was also wearing the cologne that I had mentioned was my favorite. He smelled fantastic and looked pretty irresistible. When he first came in, he gave me huge hug and we just stood in the hallway and held each other. He had never hugged me before, so this was new. It was amazing. As the evening progressed it became apparent that things were going to be different between us. We ended up on the sofa with my friend watching a movie. He put his head on my shoulder and hand on my leg. In my thinking, that meant that we didn’t need to have ‘the talk.’ I figured actions spoke louder than words in this case. Then, as pre-arranged, my friend left to ‘check something on the computer.’ Not long after that, he put his arms around me and we cuddled on the couch for the rest of the evening. It was wonderful and I thought we were on the same page. Then, I headed off to Spain for a week. We didn’t have much contact, but it was decided by my friend and I that there needed to be some communication when I got home. I spent the week worried about what to say and how things were going to end up. When I got home that weekend, he was waiting at my house and we ended up cuddling on my bed, and I neglected to talk to him again. I just figured that if he weren’t interested in me, he wouldn’t be so desirous of my company. He did all of the things that I would think a boyfriend would do. He was attentive, remembered things about me and our conversations, and liked to hold my hand. We ended up spending the next day together as well and he began talking to me about a girl that he’d gone out with. I thought it was a little weird, but couldn’t ignore the fact that he was acting like my boyfriend.
The next couple of days took a different course. As we were chatting on facebook, as we did every day, he said something about us dating and how he considered me his best friend and big sister. I was a little caught off guard. I wasn’t sure what to think and how to act, so I sort of pretended that I didn’t know what he was talking about. Then a couple of days later we were talking about kissing and he said, “You don’t actually want to kiss me do you?” I didn’t know how to answer so I said, “Well you don’t randomly make out and you don’t want to date me so, I guess not.” To which he responded, “I would, but you’re just too much my best friend and like my sister.” He then added, “I do fancy you a bit, though.” So, there you go. At least he does fancy me. That makes all his behavior completely justified.
So since then, our relationship has taken a decidedly different turn. We continue to hang out ALL the time, and cuddle on the couch, and talk about making out with each other, and all sorts of things we probably shouldn’t, since he has a girlfriend. Yep, he’s dating someone. Which makes the fact that he talks to me everyday, often about fairly romantic topics, a bit inappropriate. He should probably also not hold my hand, snuggle with me on the couch, or give me pats on the bum, but he does. The terrible thing is that I let him and I don’t know why. He seems to have a strange power over me, which I am unable to break. As much as I try, I can’t resist his offers to hang out and sit together on the couch and hold hands. I guess there’s still a glimmer of hope that he’ll ditch his girlfriend and pick me, even though past history has taught us all that this is unlikely. I’m very aware of the fact that our relationship is dysfunctional and that at some point I need to have a conversation about it, but I’m just not able to summon the gumption. I’ll keep you all posted though. Hopefully this will end well, by which I mean that I’ll finally be courageous enough to tell him how I feel and suffer the consequences. I’m sure there are parts that have been missed so I may have to fill in gaps here and there. That’s the story thus far. I hope you’ve enjoyed it.
