It's a Small World After All

I went to Cardiff last weekend for a Young Single Adult Convention, really just a glorified youth conference for old people. My super good friend Jess lives there and she was in charge, so I decided this was as good a time as any to see what all the fuss was about. As you might imagine, there were guys galore and girls trying to impress them with their stupidity and general vacuousness. I met one who I would say wins, but I digress. The first night, there was a dance. It was not just any dance, it was a UV dance. We dressed in white and painted our faces with paint that glowed in the black light. I know! So exciting! There was lots of meeting new people and such. At one point, I was chatting with a kid I’d met before when one of his friends came over. When I saw him, I thought he was pretty cute. Then he started talking and his accent gave him away as a Scotsman. He said in a pretty creepy way, “I know you.” I was pretty sure he didn’t, seeing as he’s Scottish and I’m American. He tried to convince me that he had met me somewhere and I continued to protest that it was impossible. As the conversation proceeded, he asked me if I’d ever been to France. I, of course, said yes and then a look came over him. He then asked me if I’d been to Church in a certain ward in Paris in April and if I’d gone back to a certain member’s house for dinner. I said yes and then the Scotsman got embarrassed and made some excuse and left. The dance continued and then I ended up seeing him again at the end. If I’m honest, I wanted to flirt with him a bit, so I decided to ask him what he knew about what happened at that particular member’s home after dinner. He was embarrassed again and said that there were ‘reports.’ I played coy and pretended not to know what he was talking about. He said, when he and his companion arrived at said member’s house later that evening, the little brother ran out and said that his brother had “made out with the American girl.” He also told me he couldn’t actually believe that it had happened. I assured him that it had indeed happened, despite the Cheetah’s general sliminess. I felt slightly ashamed of my actions, but was able to justify myself by mentioning the fact that it was my birthday and I was in Paris. He accepted my excuse and I felt completely vindicated when I saw him sneak out of a room the next night with some random girl and a pretty guilty look on his face. Guess the world of the Church is a bit too small for me. From here on out, I’m sticking to non-members.

If only...

Okay, I know I’ve been shirking my duties of late. Things have been busy, but that’s not really a good excuse for missing out some great stories. First of all, I meant to write about this long ago. It was one of those moments I wish I could have back, mostly because I wish I could have done things differently. I always think of what I should have done after the fact, but next time I’ll do better. Anyway, here’s the story. When I went home at the end of September, I had to be to the airport pretty early in the morning. Luckily, though, I had taken the time to curl my hair, because, as everyone is aware, you just never know. I was also wearing my hot, green cardigan that makes my eyes look amazing. Well, when I got to the airport, there was a super long line and I was hoping it wasn’t the line I needed. I decided to ask and it just so happened that the last person in line was a super cute British guy listening to his i-Pod. He told me it was indeed the check-in line for Delta. Then he did something truly amazing. He put his i-Pod away. I know. That, my friends, is the sign of true interest. Once we started conversing, I discovered that he was not only handsome, but also funny, smart, and thoughtful. He had studied in Boston and actually even enjoyed American football. He was a dream come true. While I had originally been upset that the line had been so long, as we continued to chat, I was grateful for it. I began to wish that the line was even longer. He told me about how much he liked America and how lived in London now. As we got closer to the front of the line, one of the workers asked us if we were together. I wanted to say ‘yes’ but held it together. I wanted so much to give him my number, but was just waiting for the chance to say something clever that would convince him to ask for it himself. Unfortunately, just at that moment, the Delta officials asked for anyone going to New York. Even more unfortunately, cute British guy was going to New York. That meant that he was taken to the front of the line before we had a chance to finish our conversation, which I’m sure would have ended with him getting my number. And it meant that I lost my chance to ever see him again.

Highway to the Danger Zone?

So, there’s this guy. I’ve been meaning to write about him for ages, but am somehow just getting around to it. So here’s the story. Every fall with the cooling of the air comes the heating up of the anticipation of new guys moving in. This year was no different, except that this time my anticipation was rewarded with Maverick, a tall, handsome, Air Force Academy graduate who has come to Oxford to study for his Master’s degree. He is spectacular. I met him at Institute one day and was immediately smitten. I heard him say one thing in his American accent and set my sights on him. I chatted with him for a few minutes after institute and got to see up close just how attractive he is. He’s got perfectly white teeth, and lovely strong arms. I didn’t see him again until he came to one of the Reading dances. He was terribly awkward, but so handsome that I was able to overlook his lack of dancing skill. We had the chance to chat outside in the foyer for a few minutes and found him to be interesting as well as handsome. He’s getting his Master’s in African studies and is just plain fantastic. After that night, the full on obsession began. I found him on facebook and looked through all of his pictures. We even googled him and found out some pretty interesting things about him. He graduated number one in his class and got a scholarship to study at Oxford. So besides being extremely good looking, he’s also very clever. To add to the attraction is the fact that even though he has every reason to be cocky, he’s very humble.

Well, the plans then revolved around how to see him again. They started holding Institute in Oxford so he and the other Oxford-ians have stopped coming to our class, which meant that Maverick sightings diminished. So the deception began. Luckily I do have friends in Oxford so I was able to finagle a few outings to Oxford. Unfortunately, they didn’t always go that well. I was quite disappointed in our first adventure there. We went up for Guy Fawkes Day, which is just an excuse to burn things and shoot off fireworks. When we got to Maverick’s house it was pouring rain so the fireworks things wasn’t particularly interesting. Also, there was this girl there. She almost immediately made it clear that we were not to get any ideas about Maverick. It was apparent that she had made a claim and was not entirely pleased with other girls being there. She monopolized every conversation with her not-so-subtle attempts to make herself look fantastic. I immediately disliked her and her transparent friendliness. I was sure that Maverick wouldn’t fall to her womanly charms so I maintained hope.

The plan that followed was to have our Oxford friends over dinner, excluding ‘the other girl.’ The plan went great except that none of the guys we invited came. We ended up having a really lovely time and some interesting details were revealed. The other girl’s roommate was one of our dinner guests and gave me a little insight into how things were going up there. She informed me that I should perhaps take my sights off Maverick. She said Maverick and the other girl spent a lot of time together, at night, at his apartment. I was shocked. I thought everyone else was similarly disgusted by her, so imagine my surprise when I found out that the other girl and Maverick were snogging. I know! How horrible!?!?! I immediately lost a little respect for him. How could he not see that she was vacuous, insecure, and fake like the rest of us did? Anyway, I decided to concede Maverick to her. If that was the kind of girl he was interested in, then he clearly would never give me a second look. So I pretty much gave up on him. Of course I still talked to him when I got the chance, but I decided he wasn’t worth my time.

I ended up spending Thanksgiving up there and learned a lot more about Maverick and the other girl’s relationship. Apparently their relationship consisted of snogging only and not actual dating. As much as the other girl wanted them to be boyfriend and girlfriend, Maverick wasn’t into it. I actually felt a little bit sorry for her, having been the delusional girl who thinks that a kiss is equivalent to interest. I also realized that maybe Maverick did realize that she was vacuous and fake, but couldn’t resist the prospect of a pretty girl who was willing to snog. Having also been that person, I decided to cut him a break. We’ve all been there. Sometime you just have to snog a bit. Well, since I’ve been back from Christmas, one of my friends from Oxford told me to get in there. She informed me that Maverick is ‘single.’ Since they were never actually dating, I don’t know how they could break up, but I’ll take it. Anyway, she told me that Maverick is trying to spend less time with the other girl, as he has realized that she’s not for him. I still haven’t decided where this leaves me, but I’d probably snog him, so we'll see what happens.

What Might Have Been

It is with heavy heart that I report that Prince William has chosen someone else. Unfortunately I never actually met him. I'm sure if I had, he would have picked me. I hung around Windsor Castle all the time on the off chance that he'd be there visiting Granny Liz and happen to notice me casually strolling the grounds or leaning seductively against a wall or something, but to no avail. I just feel bad for the British public. They would have loved me. Oh well, there's always the ginger Harry.

The Next Installment

Well, there is good news and bad. Jasper has continued to drive me insane. After the shenanigans of last week, and in discussing the situation with many, many friends, I made the decision that I couldn’t continue to live this way. I determined to cut him off. I’ve concluded that I will explain to him why we can’t continue the way things have been going, but am going to wait until I’m done with the dissertation, so as to avoid unnecessary distraction and preoccupation. As a stop-gap measure, I didn’t respond to his texts or attempts to chat on facebook for three whole days. Then on Thursday, I decided to chat with him for a few minutes on facebook. In the course of the conversation, he said that his feelings were hurt since I hadn’t talked to him for so long. I blamed my avoidance on the dissertation writing, but it was really just to make him mad. There was a bit of satisfaction in knowing that I had succeeded in creating some sort of anxiety. I foolishly thought that I could allow him to chat with me again on Friday without any negative consequences. I was wrong. Here is a transcript of the conversation.

Jasper: So I haven’t seen you in ages!

Me: 5 days! New record. J

Jasper: it’s terrible…if feel so empty

Me: hahaha, what to do, what to do

Jasper: don’t know...probably just make out with you and get it over and done with and then move on... (yep, he actually said that)

Me: that’s one idea…

Jasper: any others?

Me: no, just didn’t know what to say

Jasper: haha, I do that a lot to you, huh?

Me: yep

Jasper: it’s because our mutual carnal desires ;)

Me: could be

Jasper: :p

Me: what are you sticking your tongue out at me for?

Jasper: hoping you will get the idea and meet it with yours. ;)

Me: you wish

Jasper: you’re right there

Me: again, I’m stuck (mostly I was just shocked at his brazenness)

So, there you go. I just don’t know. Nearly every time I chat with him, he says something totally inappropriate that makes me wonder what he’s thinking. He’s insane. How can he possibly think that I would actually take him at this point? The unfortunate problem is that I actually do have ‘carnal desire’ for him. Part of me does think it might be better to just kiss him and get it over with and clear the sexual tension. The other problem is that I have prided myself on not being ‘that girl’ who kisses boys who have girlfriends. So that’s the pickle I’m in. One thing is for certain; I will no longer cuddle with him, either on my couch or bed. That’s where things began to go bad. I should have stopped him the first time, but gosh darn it, he smelled so good. Anyway, I will keep you posted as to the results of the important discussion that will be coming sometime next week.

In happier news, I met someone new who is nice. I went to a friend’s wedding a few weeks ago and ended up seated next to a cute guy at the luncheon whom we’ll call FOG (friend of groom). I had seen him come in and thought he was good looking and determined to meet him. As chance would have it, we ended up next to each other and chatted all through the luncheon. He was a bit shy and I had to do the actual initiation of the conversation. In the course of the discussion I found out that he just finished his undergraduate degree in economics and is starting his Master’s this autumn. So, he’s a clever one. He served his mission French speaking in Montreal. So, he likes France. He has dark hair and dark eyes. So, he isn’t as strange looking as some of the English guys I’ve met. All of these are good things. Did I mention he’s nice and doesn’t have another girlfriend?

After lunch, I got distracted and then it was time to leave, so I didn’t chat with him again. In retrospect it was probably good, but I was a little sad that I hadn’t given him a bit more encouragement to stay in touch. Well, imagine my surprise when I checked facebook on Monday and FOG had requested my friendship. I was quite pleased. He had sought me out. Truth be told, I had tried to find him, but couldn’t figure him out from the pictures. Well, I figured I had nothing to lose so I posted something on his wall and thus began my facebook flirting campaign. We went back and forth every day or so. I of course, made sure that each of my posts had a question in it so he’d have to respond and he followed in kind. I also made it clear that I would like to see him again sometime. He said he’d probably be down this way again sometime, so we’ll see what happens. Even if nothing comes of it, it was really nice to have something new and exciting. After trading wall posts for a week or so, I decided it was time to take things up a notch and sent him an actual message. He answered back that he’d be going to France on holiday for a while. I responded that I was jealous and asked about where he was going and so on. Well, he didn’t respond for a long time, and I figured he wasn’t going to. I shouldn’t have given up so easily. He must have just been in France longer than I’d thought. So, that’s my story. I’m hoping to figure out a way to ‘bump’ into him somewhere again. I’ve enlisted the friends at whose wedding we met, and they said they’d do what they could. I’ll keep you posted.

My Own Personal "Holiday"

I know this post has been long awaited, but it’s just such a long story and things keep happening that should be mentioned. So without further ado, the long, sad, stupid story of Jasper and Andrea. To begin, I met Jasper the first weekend after I came to England. He was friendly to me and I was impressed by his willingness to talk to someone who was clearly new and alone. I also thought he was reasonably good-looking, though extremely young. I later figured out that he was actually dating someone, and we became good friends. Over the course of the next few months, we got to be very close and I would consider him to be my best friend in England. He eventually broke up with his girlfriend, with whom I had been friends, but he and I remained better friends than she and I. We spent most weekends together and had a comfortable and easy friendship. We often times lamented the fact that things would never work out between us because of our ages and my nationality (his previous girlfriend had been American and he had sworn us off.) We showed up together at nearly everything and people began to talk. We thought it was funny and laughed about tricking everyone.

Anyway, then the weekend before I returned to America to do research, we got a group of friends together for dinner and then to watch a movie at my house. The defendant and I ended up next to each other on my housemate’s bed and in jest I said I may just let him hold my hand and he said he might just try to put his arm around me. I thought he was kidding until he actually did put his arm around me and hold my hand. I was completely caught off guard and perhaps didn’t handle it as well as I should have. I let go of his hand after a few minutes because I wasn’t sure what to do. Anyway, I flew back to the States a couple of days later without actually speaking to him again. After things had settled down a bit, we began chatting and emailing and I noticed a change in his behavior. He was much flirtier than he had been before and the tone of his emails and chats was quite blatantly one of interest. He told me that he couldn’t wait for me to come home and that he had marked the day on his calendar. It got to the point where we were chatting every day and were quite open with the things we said. Just to give a clearer picture of the situation, some of his more confusing comments have been recorded here.

“I’m not a fan of you being in America.” (this was written just days after I got to the States, early on in our new ‘friendship.’) A few days later, “I’m just plodding along trying to enjoy life without you.”

Since then and now that I’m back in England we have continued to converse on a fairly daily basis. Sometimes things are said that lead me to believe that he can’t bear to be without me. Other times, though, he’ll say something that makes me think he doesn’t have feelings for me at all. I’ll try to record them as near the truth as I can, but there will surely be some slight inaccuracies.

“I’m invincible. Well, to everyone but you.”

“You’re irresistible.”

“When you get home, we’ll…” (This was said many times and ended with things like, going to the movies, snuggling on his bed, going to dinner, and other date-y things.)

“I’m carnally attracted to you.”

“We would never work together because we’d get in trouble and you’d end up pregnant.”

(Upon the topic of making out.) “It will happen. Before you go back to America. I’ll break up with whoever I’m dating and we’ll go at it.”

“You’re my best friend.”

“I could spend hours with you and still not get tired of you.”

As things got more and more intense, I began to think that he was interested in me and that upon returning to the UK, we would start dating. I was still confused, though, because of comments he would make referring to me going out with other guys and how he would encourage that. So I had determined to talk to him about the situation when I saw him again. Now those of you who know me, even a little bit, know that I am dreadful at talking to guys about how I feel about them. In fact, I think I’ve only ever done it once, and that was because I was moving to England in two days. Anyway, I got back to England and he didn’t contact me until the second day I’d been back. Needless to say, I was hurt. He had told me he was counting down the days until I returned and then didn’t even acknowledge it. Well, then he finally called and we worked out a time to see each other that weekend. I was nervous because I had decided that we needed to have ‘the talk’ and I wasn’t sure how it was going to go.

When he arrived that evening, he was wearing the clothes that he had gotten when we went shopping together once. He was also wearing the cologne that I had mentioned was my favorite. He smelled fantastic and looked pretty irresistible. When he first came in, he gave me huge hug and we just stood in the hallway and held each other. He had never hugged me before, so this was new. It was amazing. As the evening progressed it became apparent that things were going to be different between us. We ended up on the sofa with my friend watching a movie. He put his head on my shoulder and hand on my leg. In my thinking, that meant that we didn’t need to have ‘the talk.’ I figured actions spoke louder than words in this case. Then, as pre-arranged, my friend left to ‘check something on the computer.’ Not long after that, he put his arms around me and we cuddled on the couch for the rest of the evening. It was wonderful and I thought we were on the same page. Then, I headed off to Spain for a week. We didn’t have much contact, but it was decided by my friend and I that there needed to be some communication when I got home. I spent the week worried about what to say and how things were going to end up. When I got home that weekend, he was waiting at my house and we ended up cuddling on my bed, and I neglected to talk to him again. I just figured that if he weren’t interested in me, he wouldn’t be so desirous of my company. He did all of the things that I would think a boyfriend would do. He was attentive, remembered things about me and our conversations, and liked to hold my hand. We ended up spending the next day together as well and he began talking to me about a girl that he’d gone out with. I thought it was a little weird, but couldn’t ignore the fact that he was acting like my boyfriend.

The next couple of days took a different course. As we were chatting on facebook, as we did every day, he said something about us dating and how he considered me his best friend and big sister. I was a little caught off guard. I wasn’t sure what to think and how to act, so I sort of pretended that I didn’t know what he was talking about. Then a couple of days later we were talking about kissing and he said, “You don’t actually want to kiss me do you?” I didn’t know how to answer so I said, “Well you don’t randomly make out and you don’t want to date me so, I guess not.” To which he responded, “I would, but you’re just too much my best friend and like my sister.” He then added, “I do fancy you a bit, though.” So, there you go. At least he does fancy me. That makes all his behavior completely justified.

So since then, our relationship has taken a decidedly different turn. We continue to hang out ALL the time, and cuddle on the couch, and talk about making out with each other, and all sorts of things we probably shouldn’t, since he has a girlfriend. Yep, he’s dating someone. Which makes the fact that he talks to me everyday, often about fairly romantic topics, a bit inappropriate. He should probably also not hold my hand, snuggle with me on the couch, or give me pats on the bum, but he does. The terrible thing is that I let him and I don’t know why. He seems to have a strange power over me, which I am unable to break. As much as I try, I can’t resist his offers to hang out and sit together on the couch and hold hands. I guess there’s still a glimmer of hope that he’ll ditch his girlfriend and pick me, even though past history has taught us all that this is unlikely. I’m very aware of the fact that our relationship is dysfunctional and that at some point I need to have a conversation about it, but I’m just not able to summon the gumption. I’ll keep you all posted though. Hopefully this will end well, by which I mean that I’ll finally be courageous enough to tell him how I feel and suffer the consequences. I’m sure there are parts that have been missed so I may have to fill in gaps here and there. That’s the story thus far. I hope you’ve enjoyed it.

As If!

I know I’ve been horrible lately. When I first got here, it seemed like I was meeting guys all the time and having so many adventures. Now I forget to write about the funny things that happen. It isn’t just about the snogging, you know. I will try to be better about updating more regularly throughout the summer.

On that note, I had a pretty hilarious conversation with the Cheetah a couple of weeks ago. I hadn’t heard from him since the ‘incident’ (as I’m calling it.) He had requested my friendship on Facebook after that first day I met him and I had chosen to hide him after I got home. Suffice it to say, I hadn’t really thought about him much. Well, I was online and he popped on to say hi. The subsequent conversation was one of the strangest I’ve ever had. I wish I had been able to copy and paste it in its entirety because I don’t think I’ll do it justice, but here is the gist of it.

He started by making small talk about how things were going with my studies and such. Then asked about my family and if I was planning on living in America ultimately. Weird. Anyway, then he told me he was ‘watching’ pictures of me. I’ll give him a pass on the mistranslation from the French, but not for the creepiness of looking at my pictures. He then said something to the effect of, “You are so beautiful. And I don’t mean just pretty. There is a light that shines out of your countenance. We both know where this comes from. So thank you for being virtuous.” Yep, the guy I made out with after a grand total of 4 hours of actual interaction thanked me for being virtuous.